...I dunno, I think that makes it more messed up. There's some people who wanted to see them hurt without even trying to find out what happened. Those are the ones I'm worried about.
[ then, with a stiff shrug ]
I know something happened with Yata that scared the rest of the team too much to hurt him more, but not anything specific.
How do you even know everyone's forgiven it? People were so pissed off that one of the first things Crois told me after I climbed out of the fountain was that Zenith was going to kill them, and he'd let him.
What if a grudge like that carries into the next ritual because people don't know what happened?
Besides a call right before from Lupin, Crois was the one who told me the fight was happening in the first place - and I didn't get involved in part because he didn't think Zenith would kill them. If he said that to you . . . it was because he was angry.
But I can tell you that no one is going to forgive it that easily - that isn't how forgiveness works. And that wasn't what the fight was for.
[ He grimaces at the question, glancing away and ignoring it entirely ]
He...... I freaked out when he told me that. He said he didn't think Zenith really would after that, but I thought he was just trying to calm me down. And Zenith didn't even stop until Fantasia got in the way, so I don't know what to believe!
[ Sighs and rubs his face ]
I know forgiveness isn't like that... What was the fight for then?
The fight was - the way Crois put it to me, it was a show of strength from Zenith. He cares about those girls and he couldn't do anything to protect them. [a beat, where he briefly looks down] That can really mess with someone.
And Lupin accepted that. I think all of Thistle accepted it - but Lupin isn't the type to sit back and just let someone beat the shit out of him, either - none of us are. It was - accepting the consequences but standing up for himself, too. Pride.
Unfortunately, some things have to be solved that way, even if there's some of us who don't agree.
I can promise you, Crois wasn't saying that to calm you down. One of the first things he said to me when we talked about this was how he felt like an asshole for the way he felt.
[ Ananke listens quietly to the explanation, motionless and distant in the image projected by the cube. He bows his head at the end and rubs his forehead, weary ]
Can you please just tell me if Thistle's going to explain to anyone what actually happened? I have been freaking out for days worried that someone's going to come try to murder you guys because half of the people here are from some kind of insane world where it's totally normal to break a teenager's arms.
—And tell Crois to apologize for saying a bunch of crazy stuff to me right after I died! How am I supposed to know what he's thinking when he won't just say he felt bad being angry at kids?!
Calm down . . . I get it, you know? Being from a relatively "normal" world. Every day I learn something insane like that - something that wouldn't fly back home. But you can relax: no one is going to try to murder us. And I'm sure they'll explain if people ask, but they're not going to go around just - telling people. Anyone with half a brain cell knows that Thistle didn't hurt those girls out of malice.
[he runs a hand through his hair with a sigh, but then, gently:]
Ananke, you couldn't answer my question about being hurt, and you want me to tell someone else to tell you how they feel?
I'm not going to tell him to apologize because he'll do it on his own. He knows he shouldn't have said those things those things to you - especially not after what you went through. People do a lot of things that they realize are wrong on hindsight.
But you have to remember - he was upset, too. About you, about Clover - I'm in no way saying you shouldn't be upset, but like I said - the outcome of that ritual affected everyone.
You should talk with him - but give it a few days, for both your sakes.
[ Leans back this time, scrubbing a hand over his face once or twice ]
Don't compare not wanting to talk about being shredded to death by vines because an idiot felt extra sad that day to an adult who's afraid to talk about his feelings.
... I'll remember he was upset when he talks to me with complete sentences about what he's really thinking. I deserve that much.
I think you want him to understand how you felt and how you feel now more that you want an apology. And it's clear that you want to understand how he feels, too.
But Crois isn't used to this. People here give a shit about him and what he thinks, and he cares so much about everything that he gets overwhelmed. Every time it's happened he's made it clear that none of it is about him. And every time I have to remind him that he's allowed to be upset, too.
[he holds up a hand] That's insight, not me trying to explain away anything.
If you want him to be honest with you? Tell him that you care what he thinks. Ask him to tell you what was going through his head, because he cares you think. He knows that he fucks up. You're not confronting him for answers, you're having a conversation.
Understanding has to go both ways, Ananke. "I'll remember he was upset when he talks to me" comes off in a way I know you don't want it to.
[ He listens quietly, slowly deflating the longer Tyr talks. He starts to respond, thinks better of it, and slouches further in his chair with a weary sigh ]
... Okay. Fine. I'll hear him out when he comes to talk to me.
[he nods, but he gives Ananke a long, searching look before he talks again]
Make sure he hears you out first, though.
You're a good kid - and adults need good people in their lives too, you know? You don't have to listen to any of my advice, I just hope you two can work it out.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Day 32 - Night
Hope his ringer doesn't wake up any Thistle kids ]
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Ananke? Hey.
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...Hey. This isn't a bad time, is it?
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No, not at all. What's up?
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... I wanted to ask how Thistle's been doing. I was worried about how many people were...excited about that fight.
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If it eases some of the worry, I'm pretty sure Lupin wanted the audience. And I doubt Odin minded that much, either.
[and then, more seriously]
But they're all right. After the ritual was a little rough, but . . . I'm guessing you know what happened.
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...I dunno, I think that makes it more messed up. There's some people who wanted to see them hurt without even trying to find out what happened. Those are the ones I'm worried about.
[ then, with a stiff shrug ]
I know something happened with Yata that scared the rest of the team too much to hurt him more, but not anything specific.
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What happened didn't just affect Clover and Thistle; other people were upset, too.
Do you think it would have changed anything? If those people knew why.
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Yes. It obviously would have.
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What if a grudge like that carries into the next ritual because people don't know what happened?
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You were hurt too?
[he faintly shakes his head]
Besides a call right before from Lupin, Crois was the one who told me the fight was happening in the first place - and I didn't get involved in part because he didn't think Zenith would kill them. If he said that to you . . . it was because he was angry.
But I can tell you that no one is going to forgive it that easily - that isn't how forgiveness works. And that wasn't what the fight was for.
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He...... I freaked out when he told me that. He said he didn't think Zenith really would after that, but I thought he was just trying to calm me down. And Zenith didn't even stop until Fantasia got in the way, so I don't know what to believe!
[ Sighs and rubs his face ]
I know forgiveness isn't like that... What was the fight for then?
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. . . I'm sorry, I didn't know.
The fight was - the way Crois put it to me, it was a show of strength from Zenith. He cares about those girls and he couldn't do anything to protect them. [a beat, where he briefly looks down] That can really mess with someone.
And Lupin accepted that. I think all of Thistle accepted it - but Lupin isn't the type to sit back and just let someone beat the shit out of him, either - none of us are. It was - accepting the consequences but standing up for himself, too. Pride.
Unfortunately, some things have to be solved that way, even if there's some of us who don't agree.
I can promise you, Crois wasn't saying that to calm you down. One of the first things he said to me when we talked about this was how he felt like an asshole for the way he felt.
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Can you please just tell me if Thistle's going to explain to anyone what actually happened? I have been freaking out for days worried that someone's going to come try to murder you guys because half of the people here are from some kind of insane world where it's totally normal to break a teenager's arms.
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[he runs a hand through his hair with a sigh, but then, gently:]
Ananke, you couldn't answer my question about being hurt, and you want me to tell someone else to tell you how they feel?
I'm not going to tell him to apologize because he'll do it on his own. He knows he shouldn't have said those things those things to you - especially not after what you went through. People do a lot of things that they realize are wrong on hindsight.
But you have to remember - he was upset, too. About you, about Clover - I'm in no way saying you shouldn't be upset, but like I said - the outcome of that ritual affected everyone.
You should talk with him - but give it a few days, for both your sakes.
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Don't compare not wanting to talk about being shredded to death by vines because an idiot felt extra sad that day to an adult who's afraid to talk about his feelings.
... I'll remember he was upset when he talks to me with complete sentences about what he's really thinking. I deserve that much.
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Sorry, that wasn't what I was trying to do.
. . . can I offer some advice? For when you talk to him.
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No.
I think you want him to understand how you felt and how you feel now more that you want an apology. And it's clear that you want to understand how he feels, too.
But Crois isn't used to this. People here give a shit about him and what he thinks, and he cares so much about everything that he gets overwhelmed. Every time it's happened he's made it clear that none of it is about him. And every time I have to remind him that he's allowed to be upset, too.
[he holds up a hand] That's insight, not me trying to explain away anything.
If you want him to be honest with you? Tell him that you care what he thinks. Ask him to tell you what was going through his head, because he cares you think. He knows that he fucks up. You're not confronting him for answers, you're having a conversation.
Understanding has to go both ways, Ananke. "I'll remember he was upset when he talks to me" comes off in a way I know you don't want it to.
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... Okay. Fine. I'll hear him out when he comes to talk to me.
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Make sure he hears you out first, though.
You're a good kid - and adults need good people in their lives too, you know? You don't have to listen to any of my advice, I just hope you two can work it out.
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